Daniel Thomas

I have 3 children, but only get the pleasure of raising two of them.

My first child was stillborn September 2, 2006. I was less than a week away from my due date and had my normal weekly OB appointment. I took my husband with me and was actually going to ask the doctor to separate my membranes so we could kick start labor. She tried using the doppler for quite a while trying to find his heartbeat. When she couldn't find it, she took me into an ultrasound room and told me that worst news of my life.

His heart had stopped beating.

Everything was completely normal up until that day. I knew he was moving they day before, but was so excited about my appointment that I hadn't done any kick counts that day....huge mistake!

Even though he had passed away, I still had to deliver him. They sent me to the hospital immediately to start induction. Unfortunately my body didn't want to labor. They gave me cervical softening pills and lots of pitocin, It took me 43 hours to dialate to 3 cm. After 45 hours of labor and 5 pushes, Daniel Thomas was born.

The nurses cleaned him up and gave us the chance to hold him. It was the hardest thing in the world to do, to look at the face of my little boy. I felt that I failed him in every possible way. My world was torn upside down and it took months to start feeling normal again.

My OB tried to convince me to start using birth control so I could have time to heal (physically and mentally), but I refused. I didn't want to try again, but I didn't want to hinder the possibility when I was I was ready to try. God had other plans though. I found out I was pregnant again less than 3 months after my son died. This time it was twins though! I think it was his way of making up for my loss. My pregnancy was heavily monitored and I successfully carried both babies for 37 weeks. They were born via c-section.

We take our kids to visit their big brother's grave regularly. He is still very much a part of my life and I Know he is always watching over us. The pain of losing him is still with me, but I know he's in a better place.